Come Eat From My Garden
And more updates. Key words in this piece: gratifying, satisfying, grounded
Part 1.
Springtime In the Garden
That first bead of sweat dripping down your back as the early summer sun beams down on your skin, sticky plant residue on your fingers and clothes, a mosquito buzzing in your ear, the smell of ripening fruits, soil, Earth. This is the moment, the sensation I have been chasing all this time. It’s small and fleeting, ephemeral, and so simple. At times, moments like this have come and gone without me taking much note of it.
It’s the daily work of producing food from a garden. Its a sunny June day, I grab my blue gloves and straw weaved hat from my cubby and get started on whatever is on the to do list for the day.
Weed and thin carrot seedlings
Transplant corn, cabbages, and fennel
Train tomatoes (up the trellis)
Tractor loads of mulch and cover walkways with cardboard and mulch
Start cucumbers and zucchini in large soil blocks
Plant beets, radishes, and napa cabbage
Patrol for pests on squash vines
A lot of labor goes into farming and gardening and the result of your hard work is typically visible and noticeable, making it feel highly gratifying. That fresh row of healthy dirt filled with lines of seeds waiting to become food, a freshly weeded asparagus bed, visible winding walkways through the garden that were previously hiding behind weeds.
Since September began work on the farm has been all harvesting which is the most satisfying part of all, reaping what I sowed. Tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, corn, zucchini, squash, cucumbers, melons, beets, cabbages, kale, snap peas, green beans, fennel, brussels sprouts, butternut squash, herbs, berries, apples… Its truly glorious.
To me, farming is some of the most satisfying work out there. The act of completing simple tasks that are deeply rooted (pun intended) in natural cycles, caring for the land, and creating nourishing food all provide physical and mental gratification as a payoff constantly as things grow all around you- I wish I could bottle up this feeling and take it whenever I’m feeling down or distracted.
Welcoming folks to the dinner table after preparing a labor(of-love)ius meal of which the ingredients I had just harvested from around the garden has been that full-circle kind of gratifying where I feel so grounded and present in my surroundings and really diving into learning about community living and eating off the land. Please, come eat from my garden. Sharing the abundance and turning it into savory, delicious, comforting meals made from real ingredients simply cant be beat. Living here at Fox Run Farms is such a unique experience in that I am living almost completely out of the way of capitalism in that my presence in this community is valued highly enough where I do not pay in money to live or eat the food here, yet I contribute my time and energy into making the communal spaces function. Other than wwoofers, everyone here has a typical job and earns money and pays rent and contributes to a cooperative fund that pays the bills and buys all the necessities (and so so much more). I am filling my role as wwoofer here by planting and harvesting so much food, helping to preserve it, cooking large communal meals, and being generally on top of house logistics. I feel like all my organizational skills and outdoor interests really come together to make me feel so satisfied with this lifestyle. My love language is cooking for others and the food we grow and buy locally here could not be matched in quality anywhere else. The meals have been nourishing beyond measure in soul and in health. I never knew how good a pepper could taste until I grew one myself. They’re just way better- sorry everyone who eats grocery store peppers. This holds true for every food we’ve grown here making it seem daunting to ever live in a place again where I don’t have access to local farm produce. Farm life has been what I didn’t even know I was looking for, but has fallen so naturally into my life that I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this for that long.
This November will mark one year since Zach and I left Colorado leaving behind a storage unit not knowing when we’d be coming back for it again. I couldn’t have predicted what wwoofing would be like, and the first 5 months of it were drastically different from the next 5 but I’m so glad for them all. Sometimes I miss caring for the animals on our other farms and could really see myself caring for rescued animals one day (goats, ducks, chickens probably) and having land to tend to myself. Ideally I could share land with friends and family and create a space for community and connection. Finding a place like this has been so inspiring for my future prospects, priorities, and goals. I feel like I now possess a deep knowing that with trust in my intuition I will have the ability to do what’s best for myself, follow my interests, explore life, and find happiness in my present situation. The concept of generalized anxiety falls away when there is really nothing to worry about for the future out of self-confidence and trust. Thus far I have been able to learn and grow so much in the spaces I have put myself in and feel so fulfilled with my choices. I feel so grateful to feel this way! Living here however, is temporary (kind of) knowing that we will leave for the winter and I’ll visit friend and family in Gainesville and figure out what I want to do next. I could be that I return to Fox Run in the spring or maybe I’ll travel abroad and try farming somewhere else. Maybe I’ll learn a new skill or trade or find something totally different. I don’t know and I’m so excited to find out then, but not yet (and that’s great!). For now I’m savoring the finale of summer's bounty, harvesting late season crops, thinking of all the soups I'm going to make soon, working on the construction project, doing yoga, dancing, seeing family, and whatever else I want.
Earlier this summer, it had been easy to fall into a rhythm of working in the garden, cooking group meals, making herb pesto by the gallon, and going off and exploring the surrounding areas that beautiful summertime New England had to offer. The waterfall hikes, the summertime outdoor concerts, ecstatic dances, farmers markets, how easily and simply we were absorbed into life here.
Until
Part 2.
Rocky Died in the Summer Time
July 9, 2023, Zach, Rocky, and I all set out on a hike at a nearby forested mountain with views of lake Mascoma and smith pond. This 6-mile loop was becoming a highlight of the summer as we traversed down wildlife-filled valleys, up steep hillsides and by babbling creeks, and sat under roaring falls. All three of us were replenished and deeply satisfied by our intimate connection with nature that day as we were in awe of the diversity of plant, animal, and fungal life bursting out of the woods at every turn. Rocky loves hikes, he always had, and this was a good one. Afterwards we arrived home to tell everyone of our great adventure and rest before we enjoyed the remainder of the evening. It was my idea to go out for a date to have a sweet ending to our sweet Sunday. Going out to dinner is one of the few things we typically can’t do with Rocky, and since he hardly gets left out of our plans, there isn’t always a good solution for where to have him wait. (Unlike most dogs, Rocky could never be left alone, except for shortly in the car on cool days, as he had severe separation anxiety and Zach did everything he could to keep Rocky by his side and make him comfortable). Up until then, leaving Rocky in the car was the best solution to a desired date night, however only a couple weeks before this date night, at a concert up in rural Vermont, Rocky escaped from the car where we left him and ran, terrified, through a large crowd on people all the way from the parking lot until finally Zach and I spotted him darting around in his anxious search for his owners. This left Zach feeling upset and worried for his safety and hated that we went somewhere where we had to leave him in a parking lot. I agreed that it wasn’t our best move, but we had no other choice other than to miss out on a lovely dance and music filled evening.
So there we were, about to leave for dinner in Hanover at a local favorite Thai spot, and in the driveway we contemplated bringing him to stay in the car as we ate, or leave him at home with many housemates at home to watch him. For me, the choice was clear, leave him at the house as typically with people around Rocky is able to relax and wait for Zach by the door (as this was the case many times in the past). Also, I didn’t want to subject him to the car again after the concert escape. For Zach, leaving Rocky was never an easy choice, and one he basically never made before he met me, and would simply never leave him except for the 20 minutes of quickly running into the grocery store where Rocky would howl and howl until he got back. Once we started our relationship, there would be a few more instances where leaving him became more common and Rocky really never got accustomed to it. He always howled when we left him but he never escaped, or maybe we hadn’t left the windows down enough for him to escape before but at the concert we did (it was a warm summer evening).
We agreed to leave him at the house but before we pulled away Zach ran back in to make sure Rocky had his collar on just in case.
Just as our tasty Thai meal was coming to a close and ice cream was next on the docket for the night, Zach receives two phone calls from a New Hampshire number, and with bad service he runs outside to take the call, feeling already that it was about Rocky. I’ll never forget how my heart dropped and fell out of my chest when he came running back into the restaurant hurriedly saying “Rocky was hit by a car, we need to go now.”
The man on the phone said Rocky was hit from behind and was being rushed to the emergency vet. We ran to the car and sped there as fast as we could. When we arrived at SAVES in Lebanon, he had already been wheeled to the back room to have his vitals taken and to be assessed. The vet came out to tell us that he was in critical condition. We were beside ourselves. Once they had a clear picture, they invited us to the back room to be with him, he was dying. I remember it vividly, and the moment we learned he couldn’t feel his back legs and wasn’t responding to any sensations, the vet explained that he suffered severe brain trauma and would not make any sort of recovery, we had lost him. I let out gutters sobs and cries of disbelief, shock, anger, regret, pain.
Feeling all of that along with witnessing Zach lose his very best friend and soulmate was a feeling I hope was once in a lifetime. The trauma of this night comes back to me often and I clench my chest in reminder of the utter shock I felt in that horribly painful moment. The days that would follow that night were some of the darkest times I’ve ever experienced. The loss and pain was so deep and real, nothing else mattered.
Over two months have passed and we feel the loss of his presence every day. Nothing is the same without him yet we find more reasons to move on and enjoy life again. I know this is even harder for Zach as their connection was like no others I’ve seen between a human and an animal. Rocky was more than that for Zach and anyone that knows him knows his deep love for Rocky. It’s been hard to process all of this and writing hasn't felt healing until recently. Once again I’m sorting out my thoughts and processing everything I’ve been through this summer. It’s been a whirlwind to say the absolute least.
My dear friend April came to visit me here in early August when times were still tough but it was so sweet and healing to have such a special friend by my side and to talk to and sort out so much that has been weighing on my heart in those past few weeks. Having her stay on the farm and work with me for those 2 weeks was quite literally the best thing I could have asked for in that time.
Part 3.
Late Summer / Early Fall
(9/6/23) Most recently life has been pretty romantic. Zach and I have been enjoying ourselves more, making intentional time to be separate and take care of ourselves and our own needs so we have better quality time together and do things that we both enjoy. We had a nice date the other night going out for dinner and music and both feeling pretty relaxed and pleased. We both went on separate trips to see family (me) and friends (him) and when we returned we took a sweet trip down to the creek and waterfall near our house and played in the water, he painted, I swam and wrote, we caught up, told stories and laughed, listened to the babbling creek and inhaled the fresh forest air. (There’s definitely great late-summer vibes now and I’m relishing in it). It feels like the new chapter of fall is upon us and so much emotionally has happened this summer yet we still can feel present and enjoy the simple things that we still get to experience and live here on our farm community in New Hampshire.
A song comes on as I type this by the river
“It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, for me And I’m feeling good.” -Nina Simone
The next day was hot for late summer up here and we wanted to swim and hike around a little. We had briefly stopped by a cool swimming hole a week ago and knew we wanted to come back to hang out there and this was the time for that. It’s only a 15 minute drive from the house and has all the boxes checked off for an ideal swimming spot: has a waterfall, deep and wide enough to swim around, decently secluded (could be more since it’s off a road but in a very rural area), has a rock to jump off of into the water, and all around good nature vibes. We swam and played for a while. The whole thing was perfect. I love the freedom we have to explore and play in nature while still working and contributing to a community and growing and eating delicious food. Our life is currently very simple and sometimes that’s the best way to enjoy life’s pleasures. I feel so supported and upheld by all my loved ones that I have in my life which makes it safe to feel at ease with my choices to explore and learn from life knowing that I always have people to be there if I need them. I know where in this country I am welcome to travel and stay a while, where my community(ies) exist and nourish me, where I still want to explore when I’m ready, and where home can be if I feel that desire to plant roots. My daily disposition is happy, grateful, and overall just quite pleased with the simple pleasures I get to experience with all my senses. I know that being on land is deeply important and nourishing for me and that will remain a priority while it’s still attainable. Food, family, and friends are truly my top priorities to always be maintaining and tending to, along with place and what fills my days. I’m learning that simple acts of life such as growing food and connecting with people are what make life enjoyable for me so as long as I’m constantly working and growing in those areas then I will be satisfied. While I still feel all the ranges of emotions on top of my overall disposition, I am grateful for the hard feelings on top of the nicer ones.
Each day at least a moment, usually more, is dedicated to feeling deep sadness over our loss of Rocky. It hurts so much that we can’t explore trails and waterfalls with him or pick veggies with him always by our sides. We cry for him and miss him deeply, yet sunny days and tomato sandwiches stayed there for us, and fall is in the air, changes are happening, life goes on, and I’m grateful to feel for him on top of maintaining this kinder outlook on life.
We continue attending our local farmers market and buying freshly baked goodies. After our swimming hole adventure I stretched and danced and found myself with a huge basket harvesting the remainder of the celery crop and a bunch of tatsoi and our first cabbage of the season. Walking my harvest basket up the hill to be processed in the kitchen gave me such a sense of deep satisfaction and pleasure that it’s hard to describe- it just felt right. I’m feeling present and grounded in my inherently unstable life finding connection all around me and for that I’m so grateful. We don’t even have a stable room that we’ve lived in for more than a few weeks and we keep getting shifted around in this huge communal home that currently has too few rooms for the amount of people living here (not totally a bad problem to have, but one that requires creative solutions). We’re currently converting the second living room into our room for the remainder of our stay here which involves shifting around lots of furniture and building walls and adding a door, but the community of people here are all happy to lend a hand and make the space for us that we need to feel comfortable. It’s all very sweet and we’re happy to still be here after all this time, the hard parts included.
(9/25/23) My current plan is to stay here until November after working for a total of 3 months on the construction project which is really coming together.
After getting my things together in Colorado and closing out the storage unit, I’m not quite sure what my next moves are going to be other than visiting Gainesville for an indefinite period to spend time with friends and decide what my next adventure is going to be. I don’t currently have a clear picture but I trust that when it comes up I’ll know it’s the right move. I can see myself learning a new skill or trade, working on a farm again, traveling internationally, and prioritizing and tending to close friendships. I see my life as a long, winding journey with many twists and turns and each moment unfolds before the next and it’s all very exciting.
Today was a day off from working on the construction project and Zach went on a hike with a friend while I stayed back on the farm and did some early fall harvesting (brussels sprouts, potatoes, cabbage, a watermelon, and rosemary for oil infusing). I made yummy food, baked blueberry muffins from scratch with blueberries picked here earlier this summer, made a cinnamon almond butter to go with, wrote, drank tea and sat outside, I am quite content. Happy to be reporting positively on this update since its been a while since my last post.
I have lots of writing saved in my drafts so hopefully I can get on that soon. Please reach out with your comments or replies, I truly love it so much. Thank you to everyone who reads this and supports me in anyway, I am so grateful.
Here’s me the other day after a sweaty dance and yoga sesh, smilin’ because its so darn nice out here. :)