I find it unnatural that we are expected to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives at such a young age when making connections and life experiences should be the main agenda. I see life as a long journey with so much to discover along the way which has made picking a career track feel like a fool’s errand. I do want to learn specific skills and get good enough at it to do it for work, but I want to do that with like a million different things. I applied to college as a psychology major and quickly realized I had to change course because I couldn’t imagine being a psychologist “forever”. Truly having no idea what adults actually did for work besides doctor, lawyer, teacher, yada yada, (hence my bewilderment of book editors), I searched the long list of majors that UF had on their website. I sat and stared and scrolled and sighed. None of them appealed to me as I couldn’t even picture what classes I would take or what skills I’d gain. I had no interest in medicine, technology, physics, art, history, or any of the common majors that people pick. I scrolled all the way to the bottom of the list where I found “Wildlife and Ecological Conservation” and I liked the sound of that. My mind went straight to “saving wildlife” and “protecting our precious ecosystems”. After a semester of that I learned that I’d have to take a really hard chemistry class and would only be working with birds and snakes so I switched to the lighter course load version specifically about trees titled “Forest Resources and Conservation”. After four years of happily studying natural resources I came to find out that most of our planet’s degradation is due to the greed of mega corporations and there’s not much demand or money in the field of protecting it. Darn. I sure loved my classes, though, especially when we got to have labs outside. Most of my labs were out in the woods and my connection to nature grew and grew. The whole time I was taking those classes I basically knew I wasn’t actually going to have a life-long career in forestry, but I loved being there and couldn’t think of anything else I wanted to do*. I am torn as I don’t regret my time studying forestry at all, yet I wish life gave us more opportunities to learn more just for the sake of learning (with the understanding that there is so much to learn in life and you just have to go out and seek it).
Not until a couple years after I finished school with my “just for fun” forestry degree did I start to discover my strengths that could actually be useful in a career. I thought, one day while listening to all my middle-aged male coworkers complain about each other to me when they had me alone, that I could probably be a darn good corporate mediator with a little training on procedure. I had the gift of deeply listening to each perspective and getting to the bottom of interpersonal disputes in the workplace. Truth is, the thought of a regular day job where I have to deal with clients and paperwork has always scared me away from committing to one area of expertise. I learned that I am a generalist, not a specialist, in society. I don’t want to be highly trained in only one area, as my yearning for using my other gifts would become too cumbersome.
I used to think that I’d for sure work for the local government (basically the only employer of foresters) and have regular hours and a predictable work day and that I would never start my own business. As of now, I am not so sure anymore and the thought of working freelance in whatever I am capable of sounds way more fulfilling, yet I feel that the reality of it must entail way more marketing and constantly searching for gigs than I’d prefer. But who knows. There is still so much for me to try and much to learn along the way. My hope is that life will be long enough to FAAFO.
I also used to think I’d become a psychologist or a therapist, because I had been told (by my mother) that I had the skills and wisdom to really help guide people through life. Flattered, it’s still on my list of possibilities if I ever decide to “choose a career” but for now I have other priorities in mind like learning farming, living in community, getting an apprenticeship at a bike shop, writing a lot, traveling, prioritizing moving my body and being strong through yoga and dance, making connections, and feeling alive. Some might even consider that “irresponsible” or “edgy” but I don’t care. It feels right for now.
I feel truly grateful for all I have experienced since graduation. It has been a whirlwind of unknown destinations and non-traditional sources of income but I am learning so much about myself and squeezing so much life into a just a few months. I am reshaping my priorities and not asking anyone for permission to do what feels right for me. I am partly lost and partly right where I am supposed to be.
*This is because of my sheer lack of knowing what people could do and get paid for. Part of me thinks if I had known more people with non-traditional jobs than perhaps I would have chosen a major that lead me in that direction, but I am not really sure of that either. I still don’t know all that is out there so for now I’m figuring that all out.
And yes, I did go see a career counselor and school and took those online quizzes about what job I’d be good at. I got child psychologist, professor, school teacher, and catering chef. Not bad, but I still wasn’t ready to jump into any of those. :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I love learning about what makes you tick!
Love and hugs, GJo